Dad,
I know, I know, I know. It has been a while. I just haven't really had time to do much of anything or I am too tired to think. I will sure be glad when this out of town training is over and I can have my life back. Well, as you know my surgery went well and things are pretty good. I guess I have some pre-cancerous cells and some calcifications that they are wanting to watch but for the most part I am good. My tongue is still numb since the surgery which is driving me nuts. They give me no explanation except that the tube put too much pressure on my tongue and caused some nerve damage. I truly just want my tongue back.
Graduation is upon us and I am bitter sweet about the whole thing. I am so happy and proud of Courtney but it scares me to death all at the same time. I am sad to see her growing up even though I am happy to see her growing up. She is just such a beautiful person and for that I am so proud but I want to keep her safe and close to home. I know now what you must have felt when we were all growing up and moving out and stuff, so, so, very hard. I think so of it has to do with you being gone. I think people tend to feel alone after a death and the last thing you want to do is have things changing around you. I sure hope she doesn't move out right away. It would be fine with Big and I if she just stay right here for a while.
So I think that I haven't been writing lately also because I seem to be a bit more emotional right now. Could just be too many things going on. The whole surgery thing, our friend with Cancer, Court graduating, Brody not, two jobs and other things...not to mention that Father's day is this Sunday and it honestly just kills me. If I could just stay in bed that day and not leave the house I would. I was looking for something for Big the other day while I was in Silverdale and I found myself looking for a card for you, then it hit me and I feel that huge feeling of loss as if it happened yesterday. I know, get over it!!! Not going to happen, I can tell you that right now. To this day over 17 months later I think of you almost every moment of the day. All this car time isn't good either. Maybe it will be good for me to have that extra three hours to think this through. Well Mr., this pitty party is over for tonight. I am exhausted and I have a ton of things to do tomorrow.
Missing you more than ever...
Janet
Happy Father's Day Dad!!! Oh how I wish you were her so I could say that in person and give you a giant hug. I know we would be together today and you would have that perma grin on your face just from being with your family. Even though you aren't here I hope you can feel the love from us and know that we miss you and love you so very much. We are heading to Dave and Terri's around noon and we are having a mexican Feast and so really great company...which to me is the next best thing to being with you!
I hope you have the best day ever...where ever you are.
I love you!
Janet
